I'm trying to remain hopeful, because honestly I feel so lethargic, hopeless, and on the verge of crying every single night for the past week. It's tough, but I know it will pass, it always does. I just got to grit my teeth, carry on with everyday life and wait it out, despite feeling like literally trash in the evenings. Some days I wish I could throw myself in the bin, and just remove myself from everyone. I know that I don't really want that, but on those days it feels like I would be doing everyone else a favor if I just disappeared forever and never came back. Would anyone miss me? I'd like to think so, but sometimes I feel like all people would feel is just relief, guilt and pity...not exactly feelings I want to be associated with.
This post is a bit of a mess as I feel like I have 2 people fighting in my head, with one saying to remain hopeful, and that if I can find the positives in life, I'll be happy, while the other is telling me that there's no point, and that everything is a lie with people just pretending to like me, and friend that just tolerate me, that I'm annoying, worthless piece of garbage. I'm trying to keep the thoughts at bay but they just keep coming back, and I'm honestly at a loss of what to do. I'm trying to hard to remain positive but I just feel like I'm being swallowed up my negative thoughts like quicksand. I hope this passes soon, as I'm nearing my breaking point, and I know once I have reached breaking point I really will do something I'll regret.