Before my life had to have a purpose, before I had to have a purpose, for what is the point of anything if not given a reason. It is nothing. Coming to terms with the fact that through this logic I am nothing, has been tough. It is probably not the conclusion that health professionals would have wanted me to come to, as I'm sure they would much rather I just throw the whole idea out, but I can't.
Over the years, many people have asked me if I am autistic, and my answer had always been a firm no, however I am now not sure. Even after 10 years of recovery, I am still not sure who I am. It is a continual process for me to find if I am who I am, what I am. Hopefully I will get answers soon.
Life is not worth living, I do not feel I get out of it, what I have to put in. But I owe it to myself to find how I am, solve the mysteries I want answers to, and to find closure in myself before I give up. There is not end goal to life, but there are small goals that I can set myself to get by, no large goals that seem unachievable, no end product of my life, but just tiny things to prevent me from throwing myself off the edge of a building or canyon.