So I was going to do a K-pop post today, but there is something more pressing I want to let out. This week I just came back from a biology trip, one that would involve practicals that count towards my A2. Before we went on this trip, one specific girl asked to room with me, her reason; so that I could prevent her from committing suicide. She thinks that I understand her, which I guess in some ways I do, having both gone through depression, however, this understanding also means that I am not emotionally stable. She knows that she isn't emotionally stable, and so she wants me to keep her stable, however she doesn't realise that I cannot be the one to keep her stable as I myself am unstable. Her pushing this responsibility of her life onto me is just completely unfair and puts both of our mental healths at risk. Having realised what this would do to me, I selfishly asked to be put in a different room to her; though I have been informed by my teacher that we weren't put in the same room to begin with due to room sizes and allocations. The problem is that I know that this is only the start. First it started with the biology trip, and 1 favour, but now I fear that when we go back to school, she will try to push the responsibility of her mental health onto me, and I am just simply not ready for that. I don't know what to do in this situation, cause I know how much I hated the system and feel bad about putting someone else in it, but I also know that if this continues it will end badly for both of us. I feel so helpless and yet too powerful. I don't want to do wrong by her, but I just don't know what to say to her, to make sure that everything will be ok. To make sure she won't do anything stupid, and also to make sure I don't do anything stupid. If I believed in a God I would probably be praying to him right now regarding the matter, as we start school in 4 days, and I'm still not prepared to face it, this, everything. Please help.
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September 2019
Lollikpop21 year old, 11 years since I stopped being clinically depressed, 9 since diagnosis. |