Still have so many exams :( . To everyone that has emotional insecurities and issues as a teenager. Pray you are not born during exam season. I am, and I've just turned 17 recently, however I am unable to celebrate it, and won't be able to until at least July, nearly 2 months after my birthday. It is currently half-term in the UK and I will be on a holiday without any exams, as well as all my friends, for 1 week. I understand the need for revision, but it saddens me that having this whole week free, non of my friends are able to spare me about 3 hours worth of time to go out and celebrate my birthday. This celebration will already be 1 weeks late if it happens... I'm currently specifically pissed off and annoyed at one of my friends who told me she might be able to, as a break from revision, only to tell me today she has made other plans (even though she basically told me she was free when I asked 2 weeks ago) with another friend. This makes me feel I am less important than this other friend, but also the fact she only told me this when I asked her about it again today, infuriates me. She could have told me sooner, when she made the plans so that I could have more time to ask other friends before they made other plans, but no, she was selfish and didn't tell me until today, which means I might be going out to celebrate alone. Everybody is either 'revising', when I know they probably spend more time on the internet or could use the time the spend online to go watch a film with me, or 'have other plans with other friends'. I just feel like no one wants to celebrate with me. SO yh, to all those that have insecurities in relationships, whether they be friendships or other relationships with people around your age. Pray you don't have a birthday in exams, cause it shatters your self esteem. In a period of exams when self-esteem is already low, to have your self-esteem knocked again by your friends hurts really, really badly. I always feel like I'm most vulnerable during this period, cause everybody is always busy and don't want to spend time together. It's a time of feeling lonely, stressed and pressured. It's a time when there is no room to celebrate your life, or be happy you have grown an age other. It's a time when no matter how many friends you have/ how good you thought they were, they will turn their back on you on the day you are suppose to celebrate yourself and love yourself. It hurts.
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September 2019
Lollikpop21 year old, 11 years since I stopped being clinically depressed, 9 since diagnosis. |