Staying up til midnight doing maths is definitely NOT how I imagined my life would be like, yet here I am doing just that night after night. It is at times like this that I want to rebel and do the things that I know my parents would disprove of. I want to break out of the cage that I am in, throw aside all cares: stop doing homework, dye my hair with a streak of lilac and play music at the loudest volume, but I won't. Much like how Elsa in the widely popular Frozen concealed her powers, I have to conceal my thoughts and feeling about rebellion and continue with my life, for fear of my future and my parents. I feel like I should grow up, and stop being so naive and childish, but I can't. I guess that is what rebellion symbolises to me; independence and adulthood. Some people at my age have lost there virginity or are even parents, some are at parties, some are striving towards getting the best grades, and then there's me. I feel so alone, below everyone else; like a child wanting to be a grown up too soon. I feel like I want a new personality, one that's colder and more productive, one that is hgh functioning and isn't bothered by other's perceptions of me; a robot. but I can't. So I'll have to settle for being me and accept me for me. Don't know when of if that will happen but I hope it will. On another note, congratulations to Bobby for winning Show Me the Money 3. I'm also really enjoying the new series Mix and Match from Mnet though it would appear YG has a dangerous obsession with survival shows. Congrats to Super Junior on the wins on the music broadcasts! As an SM stan I am really happy for them. Also really excited for TaeTiSeo's new song 'Holler' which sounds amazing! Can't wait to catch up on all the shows and dramas over the weekend!! Especially Hi! School: Love On; what will happen now that Woohyun is alone and Seul Bi is an Angel again?!
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September 2019
Lollikpop21 year old, 11 years since I stopped being clinically depressed, 9 since diagnosis. |