Just got back from a summer course. It was fun, I guess; it was very busy and I made a lot of acquaintances but not many friends/ any friends. I'm currently feeling really confused about life, panicky about life. I dunno what I'm doing. Everything just floats past me nowadays without me being able to take any of it in. This summer I need to read books and edit the school science magazine, but I just don't feel like doing it. I feel empty, hollow, confused. I don't know what I'm doing. i have realised that 6 years in a girls school has basically destroyed my ability to communicate with the opposite sex, and I don't feel right. I don't feel like I know who I am anymore or how to become the person I want to be, or even who the person I want to be is. life will continue to roll along, and I will continue to stand still wondering why I'm on this conveyor and where I'm going to reach with no intention of running towards the goal, and currently no intention of running away from it. Just standing still, in my own world, empty, white, alone.
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September 2019
Lollikpop21 year old, 11 years since I stopped being clinically depressed, 9 since diagnosis. |