Do I expect too much out of a friendship? Is it too much to ask for loyalty, respect and compromise? Apparently so, well at least to the degrees that I expect of my friends. One of my closest friend is becoming more and more distant to me, if this continues I wonder if she will end up not being my friends soon... and I'm too stubborn to ask her about it, a) afraid of the outcome, and b) because we are currently in the middle of a competition/disagreement for our futures. It's saddening to think I may loose this close friend within the next couple of months, it's scary that I rely on my friends so much. Too much... I have come to the realisation that when I loose one of my close friends (5 closest friends) or at least feel like I'm loosing them, I become emotionally unstable. It is as if those close friends are pillars holding me up in place, and when one gets wobbly/moves, I become unstable and my emotions go everywhere. A combination of worry, fear, confusion, anger, guilt, sadness, longing, and rejection; depression. I get wrecked, and must find my balanced again or find another support to be there for me, or try to fix that friendship/pillar. I don't know what I should do with this friendship currently. I guess only time will tell.
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September 2019
Lollikpop21 year old, 11 years since I stopped being clinically depressed, 9 since diagnosis. |