My personality is weird. There are 2 layers, my open, loud, passionate, overenthusiastic, sometimes arrogant layer and my fragile emotional layer. If someone doesn't like the outside layer the inside breaks. I feel like the teacher who choose and decided the club disliked this outer layer of me, and now the inside is breaking. What is the point of being myself if noone likes it? What's the point of being alive if I can't be myself? So many unanswerable questions...So yh......I dunno what else to say or do; whether I should keep the role, or asked to be demoted.....
If you've been offered a role, but not the one you applied for would you accept it knowing that someone else wants your place quite bad? This is the position I'm in now. I've been offered a position in a club in the school. Quite a high one at that, but not one of the the ones I wanted/hoped for, and it is a role that I do not feel suits me. However I know one of the lower members would like this job and yet I'm not feeling enthusiastic about it. I had initially applied for a great role than the one I have been given, however that role has gone to other people, one of which the year strongly disagrees with (not just me). Feeling bitter over that and confused about what to do with my current position is not a great place to be. On top of that the one of the candidates who was picked for the role which I initially applied for is unorganised, and slightly clueless, asking slightly stupid questions and such, the only thing going for her is that she is nice. This leads me to believe that the reason I wasn't picked is because of my personality.
My personality is weird. There are 2 layers, my open, loud, passionate, overenthusiastic, sometimes arrogant layer and my fragile emotional layer. If someone doesn't like the outside layer the inside breaks. I feel like the teacher who choose and decided the club disliked this outer layer of me, and now the inside is breaking. What is the point of being myself if noone likes it? What's the point of being alive if I can't be myself? So many unanswerable questions...So yh......I dunno what else to say or do; whether I should keep the role, or asked to be demoted.....
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September 2019
Lollikpop21 year old, 11 years since I stopped being clinically depressed, 9 since diagnosis. |