I'm realising that old habits, and thought processes are starting to come back to me. Maybe it's the impending doom I feel of Uni ending, and having no structure or direction to my life. I hate it. I hate me. Simply as.
Some days I really hate myself, and that transfers to how I think other people find me. Some days I hate myself so much I start to think that other people hate me too, maybe they do. I hate my need for people's attention and care. I wish I could be a free bird, not giving a fuck what other people think, and I wish I didn't care for other people, cause then I wouldn't care if they cared about me or not. It's twisted and weird, but that's how I think and I so wish I didn't. I hate myself.
I'm realising that old habits, and thought processes are starting to come back to me. Maybe it's the impending doom I feel of Uni ending, and having no structure or direction to my life. I hate it. I hate me. Simply as.
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September 2019
Lollikpop21 year old, 11 years since I stopped being clinically depressed, 9 since diagnosis. |