Exams are nearly over, and I'm going back to school on Monday. Back to the tedious petition of lessons, back to the constant pressure from teachers but this time with the added expectation of results and how the exams went. I'm going to struggle, I know that...but hopefully it'll be fine. Hopefully with the support of my friends I'll make it. Everyone's really stressed now, and panicking. For most (those who don't do further maths) all their exams are and the fate of their future has been decided. It's scary...scary to think that now we have no control. We've done all we can and now our future, the chances of getting into a good university, the chances of getting a good job, of doing what you want to do, of following your dreams now depend partially on these exams that we have already sat. These following 2 months will be filled with uncertainty, of my life, and of my future. I'm anxious about uncertainty, I'm cautious of it and more than anything I'm scared of it. Uncertainty and bout do 'funny' things to me, they plant the seeds for terrible, ugly thought to grow inside me. I feel like the next 2 months will be a great test for me. It's currently just trying to find a way to distract myself and to not think about the future before the results, which will be difficult as we will have to write our personal statements, go to open days and start our applications. I'll just have to hope for the best.
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September 2019
Lollikpop21 year old, 11 years since I stopped being clinically depressed, 9 since diagnosis. |