It's ironic isn't it, that we always say 'happy', like 'happy holidays', 'happy birthday', 'happy new year', like it's some obligation to be happy on those days. I'm not happy right now. I was...like a week ago. But now? Nope, definitely depressed again, wanting to cry again, feel like a weight is crushing my heart....again. One of my closest friends has just been unresponsive, like nearly the whole holiday. It has been 3 weeks, and I can't contact her...and I wonder. a) Has something happened in her family or to her? b) Does she want to stop being my friend? Those are the 2 places my heart and brain goes to. I'm scared...I hate it...I want to just forget the world, but I can't...I want o find a distraction and go to my happy place, but I can't (I have to keep doing revision as my exams are next week). I want to just curl up and hibernate, forget everything until uni starts and life is back to normal. I hate life, I hate prolonged holidays; I would much rather have more 1-2 week holidays and these ones that last months... It's too long... too long of being left with noone...too long of nothing...
Happy New Year everyone!!
It's ironic isn't it, that we always say 'happy', like 'happy holidays', 'happy birthday', 'happy new year', like it's some obligation to be happy on those days. I'm not happy right now. I was...like a week ago. But now? Nope, definitely depressed again, wanting to cry again, feel like a weight is crushing my heart....again. One of my closest friends has just been unresponsive, like nearly the whole holiday. It has been 3 weeks, and I can't contact her...and I wonder. a) Has something happened in her family or to her? b) Does she want to stop being my friend? Those are the 2 places my heart and brain goes to. I'm scared...I hate it...I want to just forget the world, but I can't...I want o find a distraction and go to my happy place, but I can't (I have to keep doing revision as my exams are next week). I want to just curl up and hibernate, forget everything until uni starts and life is back to normal. I hate life, I hate prolonged holidays; I would much rather have more 1-2 week holidays and these ones that last months... It's too long... too long of being left with noone...too long of nothing...
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September 2019
Lollikpop21 year old, 11 years since I stopped being clinically depressed, 9 since diagnosis. |